Dear John is just the most recent of a string of fictional entertainment released with the lofty goal of ruining every single man's life. As if Twilight didn't cause enough collateral damage, now not only do us men have to be at the beck and call of our female counterpart, but we also have to be a chiseled, bad ass member of the Army Special Forces in order to be considered acceptable. What's that you say? Not a member of one of the most elite military units in the entire world? Not interested in becoming a 21st century indentured servant in order to have sexual intercourse with a female? That's fine, as long as you don't mind dude penis.
A post on theoatmeal.com brought some interesting points to light back when the newest movie of the Twilight saga was released. Throughout all the Twilight books, the author goes to great lengths to leave the main character completely non-descript (I wouldn't know first-hand, like you may have inferred from past posts, I have a penis). As per theoatmeal.com article,
"First off, the author creates a main character which is an empty shell. Her appearance isn't described in detail; that way, any female can slip into it and easily fantasize about being this person."What everyone failed to notice, however, is this has slowly become the rule as opposed to the exception.
This has never been more evident than by the casting of Amanda Seyfried (Read: L. Ron Hubbard's "Xenu") in "Dear John." If there exists a more extra-terrestrial-looking actress than her, please let me know. The simple fact that the space between her eyes alone could probably get supplies to Haiti faster than air transportation makes it hard to argue against her having fetal alcohol syndrome. But I digress. With the casting of girl who looks just about as average (gross) as most women in the United States, there is an automatic feeling of entitlement amongst all the female viewers. That is, they all feel entitled to have a boyfriend like the fictional "John," played by Channing Tatum. That's bad news for you dudes if you're anything like me, since I know I'm sure as hell not writing a thousand fucking letters to some broad watching Property Virgins and eating kettle corn safely back at home while I'm out in the fucking shit every single day. But that may just be me.
I think it's safe to say that the media - once simply a bane to overweight women who are forced to puke up their lunch in a failed attempt to look like any TV personality - has now begun to do a number on men as well. While giving men the "wrong impression" about women for years (I think it is more than obvious , unfortunately, that not all women are size double zero), the media machine has begun to give women the absolute wrong impression of men. Now, instead of "watching the game with the boys," you should be ringing your girl’s doorbell with flowers in hand "just 'cause." Instead of slaying that epic arch-demon in Bioware's new Dragon Age, you're expected to be braving black ice and traffic accidents to help build a fucking snowman. If you're bunkered down in a sandpit getting shot at by Hadji's in the Persian Gulf, well , you had better be penning a letter to your girl back home, and that letter better fucking have blood on it. If not, well, that's fine. As long as you don't mind dude penis.
-E
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