Types of Xbox Live Players

The 12-15 year old

Known more for their racial or ethnic slurs than their prowess in Modern Warfare 2, the 12-15 year old is a strange beast. The discovery of the “n word” is a recent revelation to them, and they want make you well aware of it. They are also sure to tell you about how many times they have slept with your mom, and never fail to leave out all the intricacies of what they discovered while under the sheets with her. Add that to the fact that you are “such a fag” since they know you “blow your brother and friends” and the 12-15 year old can be a nuisance if not pwned properly and repeatedly.


The Shit-Talker

The shit-talker can come in many shapes and forms. The two most common, however, are the “talented” shit-talker, and the “terrible” shit-talker. Let’s start with the first.
The talented shit-talker is usually so skilled, they are bored with simply owning your n00bzerz ass. Instead, they want to make sure you know how much you suck after they sneak up behind you with akimbo rangers and blow you out of your camping spot. The talented shit-talker, while annoying, can usually be tolerated since they back up most of what they say. (Yes, you did rape me)
The terrible shit-talker is usually so bad, they have no other type of defense in-game rather than to curse you out. This is one of the more confusing types of players, since the 12-15 year old can usually be a terrible shit-talker, and vice versa. Having become complacent with the fact that they may be the worst player in the history of Xbox, they are more than happy to simply tell you how you “live in your moms basement,” or “suck your dogs dick.” If you are curious to know why so much Xbox Live Chat involves sucking dicks, so am I.

The Saboteur (aka, feeder)

The saboteur has no reason to play any game online other than to piss other people off. While your team is building up as many resources as they can to destroy the enemies base, he will be working to negate all of your hard work in as little time as possible. Also known as a “feeder,” in games where your goal is to kill the enemy as many times as you can while dying the least, he will repeatedly walk into enemy fire and die to help the other team out. Some more learn-ed folks would refer to this player as the “Aldrich Ames” of xbox live.


The Asshole/Game Ruiner
Not to be confused with the Saboteur, this motherfucker just likes to, simply put, ruin games. Famous for “going for it” on 4th and 5 from their own 18 in Madden - regardless of how many conversions they do or do not make - this sonofabitch will stop at nothing to piss you off. Also known for playing Backstreet Boys at volume 100 while leaving their headset next to the speaker, the Asshole is a feared opponent in almost all circles.


-E