There comes a time when a man needs to step up his drinks and order something other than beer. But what? Here’s a guide to help you keep it classy at any event.
Mitch Morgan
Ingredients:
1 part Bourbon
1 strip Bacon
Preparation: Serve bourbon neat in a cocktail glass. Garnish with the strip of bacon.
Notes: Simple and classy. The Mitch Morgan is a great anytime cocktail.
Shot of Respect
Ingredients:
1 part Tequila
1 part 151-Proof Rum
1 splash Tabasco Sauce
Preparation: Pour tequila and rum into a shot glass. Top with a splash of Tabasco.
Notes: Serve when in large groups. Whoever declines is a pussy.
Frozen Vomit
Ingredients:
2 parts Gin
1 part Grain Alcohol
1 part Banana Liqueur
2 parts Beef Bouillon
Preparation: Add beef bouillon and liquor to blender. Fill with ice and blend till smooth. Serve in coupette glasses.
Notes: This is a summer only drink. Best served with a side of steak. The Margaritaville Frozen Concoction Maker is the preferred method for blending any frozen drink. Its automatic blend button and separate ice shaving compartment make for perfect consistency, while the detachable catch ensures your drinks never dilute with excess water. I use mine daily.
Waffle
Ingredients:
1 part Vodka
1 part Butterscotch Schnapps
1 part Orange Juice
Preparation: Pour ingredients into a shaker with ice. Strain into a shot glass.
Notes: Drink as breakfast. It really does taste like waffles.
Scalding Regret
Ingredients:
1 part sugar
1 part water
1 part habanero infused grain alcohol
Preparation: Put sugar and water into a saucepan. Bring to a rolling boil. Pour hot sugar water into rocks glass. Drop in habanero liquor, then shoot immediately.
Notes: Mastering this drink is definitive proof of your manliness. Habanero liquor is not found in any stores, you must make it yourself. To make: place about twenty habanero chilis, halved, into an empty fifth. Fill with grain alcohol. Allow liquor to sit for 9-12 months before using.
Disclaimer: If attempt this drink, I am not liable for any damage that will inevitably ensue. The Scalding Regret will burn your throat, scar your lips, mangle your bowels, and disintegrate your colon. Permanent psychological harm and death are also likely.
Gay Pirate Sex
Ingredients:
1 part Apricot Brandy
1 part Sour Apple Pucker Schnapps
1 part dark Rum
1 part Coconut-Flavored Rum
Splash Lemon Juice
Fill with Pineapple Juice
Preparation: Build liquor in a highball glass with ice. Fill with pineapple juice, then top with a splash of lemon juice.
Notes: It takes a real gentleman to order this drink.
Mitch Morgan
Ingredients:
1 part Bourbon
1 strip Bacon
Preparation: Serve bourbon neat in a cocktail glass. Garnish with the strip of bacon.
Notes: Simple and classy. The Mitch Morgan is a great anytime cocktail.
Shot of Respect
Ingredients:
1 part Tequila
1 part 151-Proof Rum
1 splash Tabasco Sauce
Preparation: Pour tequila and rum into a shot glass. Top with a splash of Tabasco.
Notes: Serve when in large groups. Whoever declines is a pussy.
Frozen Vomit
Ingredients:
2 parts Gin
1 part Grain Alcohol
1 part Banana Liqueur
2 parts Beef Bouillon
Preparation: Add beef bouillon and liquor to blender. Fill with ice and blend till smooth. Serve in coupette glasses.
Notes: This is a summer only drink. Best served with a side of steak. The Margaritaville Frozen Concoction Maker is the preferred method for blending any frozen drink. Its automatic blend button and separate ice shaving compartment make for perfect consistency, while the detachable catch ensures your drinks never dilute with excess water. I use mine daily.
Waffle
Ingredients:
1 part Vodka
1 part Butterscotch Schnapps
1 part Orange Juice
Preparation: Pour ingredients into a shaker with ice. Strain into a shot glass.
Notes: Drink as breakfast. It really does taste like waffles.
Scalding Regret
Ingredients:
1 part sugar
1 part water
1 part habanero infused grain alcohol
Preparation: Put sugar and water into a saucepan. Bring to a rolling boil. Pour hot sugar water into rocks glass. Drop in habanero liquor, then shoot immediately.
Notes: Mastering this drink is definitive proof of your manliness. Habanero liquor is not found in any stores, you must make it yourself. To make: place about twenty habanero chilis, halved, into an empty fifth. Fill with grain alcohol. Allow liquor to sit for 9-12 months before using.
Disclaimer: If attempt this drink, I am not liable for any damage that will inevitably ensue. The Scalding Regret will burn your throat, scar your lips, mangle your bowels, and disintegrate your colon. Permanent psychological harm and death are also likely.
Gay Pirate Sex
Ingredients:
1 part Apricot Brandy
1 part Sour Apple Pucker Schnapps
1 part dark Rum
1 part Coconut-Flavored Rum
Splash Lemon Juice
Fill with Pineapple Juice
Preparation: Build liquor in a highball glass with ice. Fill with pineapple juice, then top with a splash of lemon juice.
Notes: It takes a real gentleman to order this drink.
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