Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The simple bliss of SNUS



Since this is my first post I will pay homeage to Just some Gentlemen and Clarence for turning me onto one of the most wondrous concoctions ever created; CAMEL SNUS. Yes, many of you do not even know what Snus is. The next time you stroll over to your local eatery or wawa feeling fizzled and bored with life do yourself a favor and glance behind the counter. About waist high in a frozen plastic wonderland lies Snus (to all dip fans this might not be your style). While you are eyefucking the wonderment that is snus, carefully, and with perfect vocabulary ask whomever is standing behind that cash register to grab you the glorious snus. Pay the extremely inexpenisve 3.50 and be on your way out with a chubber in your pants. But wait, what was that? Oh thats right you got the trial version (there is no difference) that is priced at 1.67. Yes, proof that God does exist. You are now ready to try the life changing orgasm that is "being totally snussed".

The first time I encountered Snus was a mere 4 months ago. There I was in a training with Just Some Gentlemen, bored with my life and hating the path that I was on. That was when the epiphany happened. He leaned over and saw the drool forming in the corner of my mouth and saw that it was time he saved me from the feeble existence I had been living in. He opened up the Iron container of glory and asked me if I wanted one. I could barely hear what he had asked me for simultaneously as he opened it a choir of angels began singing. Hearing slightly impaired and blinded by the beautiful doves and shimmering light that basked in my face, I stupidly asked "what's Snus"? He just smirked at my obvious bush league question and said "just try one, you will never be the same again". As I entered the Iron fortress with my index and middle finger I felt a warmth come over my entire body. I was a little nervous and downright scared but i continued and picked up the care package from Mt. Olympus. As I grasped the tiny Snus I had flashbacks to all of the most happy memories of my entire life; the first time I rode a bike, the first time I was laid, disneyworld, my first hard on. It was exhilarating. As I felt this I knew the time was right to take the plunge and place it between my lip and gums. The rollercoaster ride from heaven had begun. There I was riding Steel Force with Jesus and the Angel Gabriel. It was the most fascinating 34 minutes of my life. I completely blacked out of my training, but when I woke up I had received a 100 on my test and got 3 smiley face stickers. It was an experience I knew I needed to have over an over again every day. From that day forward I have lived a life of perfest happiness and can now talk to animals. You do the math.

So for all of you who have not tried Snus or have never heard of it, go out now, no matter what you are doing and get one now. I bid you good day.

So say we all,
Drexel

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